One of my biggest struggles as of late, has been feeling out of place. Wondering where exactly I fit and just who I click with and if I’m even worth getting to know.
Sometimes I see all my shortcomings and dorky quirks and complete awkwardness and wonder if those things are the reasons I feel like a misfit…I wonder, what on earth anyone could see in me.
Then, I begin to think about all the people who don’t see me at all. All the times I’ve felt rejected or lame or embarrassed or insufficient or overlooked…I begin to think of all the people who seem so much more put together than I am…the people that always say the right things or always invited out or always chosen first…aka, not me.
Ouch. Ouch, ouch, ouch, OUCH.
Whatever you call it–“self-hatred” or ” low self-esteem” or an “identity issue”, here’s the deal: I need a revelation of my worth.
No, scratch that. I need a revelation of Jesus. Because, only once I’ve encountered God, can I truly begin to see just who He’s made me to be–and how powerful His opinion of me is.
So many times I get caught up in focusing on my lonely moments and all the times I’ve felt like the odd one out…I then either invest all my energy into feeling sorry for myself OR I try all sorts of things to boost my self-esteem and make myself feel better. I read encouraging quotes, journal, write positive messages on my mirror, ask a friend to hug me and tell me I’m beautiful…
While it’s tempting to spiral into hating on yourself or being angry with humanity for not always making you feel wanted…and while positive words and talking to someone can certainly be helpful tools…I think both of those reactions fall short.
I put so much focus on my pain and trying to “fix myself”, that I lose sight of who’s really important, (You totally know who I’m about to say) Jesus.
What if, instead of focusing on my hurts or the causes of my hurts or what I should do to make my hurts go away, I focused on Jesus? What if I stopped focusing on my trials, and looked to God–the most perfect, beautiful, awe-worthy Being ever? He is the ultimate Healer and Restorer. He is full of truth and love and compassion. He is bigger and so much better than my hurts. When I truly begin to encounter Him, I will learn just how sweet and beautiful His acceptance is. His opinion and acceptance of me is priceless.(Psalm 139, John 3:16)
Remember Peter, when he walked on water? Focusing on the waves dragged him down. But when he set his gaze on Jesus? Jesus allowed him to walk on water. God encountered Peter in a way that wouldn’t have happened if Peter had kept looking at the waves. (Matt 14:22-33)
Instead of allowing myself to be dragged down by all my fears and issues and hurts, I’m choosing to set my gaze on something greater. I’m choosing to shift my perspective and heart back to Jesus. Jesus is so much more than just the Healer of my hurts though–He’s a zealous God who is absolutely worthy of all of my attention and heart. (Psalm 145:3, Revelation 4:11)
He is far better than my waves of insecurity.